This past month has helped me realize a lot of things. The monumental mistakes I’ve made this year and what I’ve learned as a result are helping me to strive to become a better me. I am by no means perfect and I know it is impossible to be so. I have realized this about myself as well as others. Sometimes my expectations of myself and those around me were held to an unrealistically high standard. Sometimes, I can come off as cold, callous, aloof, and pompous. I am trying to soften some of these negative aspects of my personality. I know that being an INTJ and also suffering from multiple mental health issues doesn’t exactly help me in expressing my emotions, particularly the positive ones. However, the life I’ve lived from March of this year up until September first of this year is shaping me more than anything has in a long time. There were two months of my life (July-August) where I was self destructive and thought about ending it all every day – every day. I had reached a point in my life where I had done horrible things; things I thought I would never do and things that are very out of character for me. I don’t want to be that version of me. I don’t even like to think about that version of me. It disgusts me and I resent myself for all the horrible things I put my husband, family, and myself through. I was always told I was a strong person, but even the strongest people get weak sometimes. All I can do is learn from the mistakes I’ve made in the past and evolve. I will not let myself ever get to a point like that ever again. I am stronger than that. I am better than that. I will prove this to not only myself but everyone I have disappointed. I will come out of this self-made destruction a better person.
Published by Lucy ルーシー
Why, hello there. ^_^ I am a special needs mom, gamer, mental health awareness advocate, mixed media artist, bibliophile, digital content creator, and self-proclaimed crazy cat lady. I enjoy amateur photography, crafting, and gardening. My aesthetic leans towards the colorful, cute, and creepy. View all posts by Lucy ルーシー