It’s Been A Bit…

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve had the opportunity to sit down and blog. My home is still under renovation from the leak we had but it’s getting closer to completion. My home will look entirely different once complete. I like that though. I like the ability to start things over with a clean slate. Our home seemed unfriendly and too dark before. We had black hardwood floors and black furniture in every room. I’ve decided to cover the entire house with white carrara marble. Every floor is shiny and bright and the tile goes up a third of the bathroom walls, giving it a super fancy look. Once it’s all completed I’ll be sure to post before and after photos. We decided to remove the pre-fab tub and shower in our master bathroom and had someone build a custom two person shower with four shower heads. It came out really well and I’m excited to share the results with everyone. During this whole floor renovation, I’ve been working my booty off in my garden. I’m replacing all the wood mulch with synthetic turf so I’ve been shoveling mulch into our garden waste bin every week in an effort to get rid of it all. I’ve also added some new additions to the garden including some Japanese cucumbers and Goldenfinger bananas. A few trees gave us a harvest of donut peaches and plums and we were also able to enjoy our first harvest of tomatoes. I’m excited to keep adding more yummy fruits and veggies in our backyard. After the floors and bathrooms are completed my next big project is my kitchen cabinets, which I plan on refacing myself. We purchased all new kitchen appliances and a washer/dryer combo and our cabinets and counters look super outdated and icky. I want to fix all the woodwork on my own and get nice new counter tops and a backsplash put in. Owning a home is a never ending project, but I love being able to customize everything so much!

Panic

All the hysteria behind this pandemic is spiking my anxiety through the roof. I’ve already been agoraphobic many times in my life and prefer to stay at home like a hermit but this is really exacerbating my paranoia. I try not to watch the news because my anxiety is easily triggered. Well, I’ve been watching way too much news lately. I feel like I’m living in the beginning of the collapse of civilization as we know it and I’m well aware of how crazy that sounds but my mind is telling me it’s completely rational for me to think this way even if I know the core of me is probably overreacting. I don’t trust my fellow humans. Their tendencies to become violent at the drop of a hat terrify me. I don’t like forcing myself out into public to have a panic or anxiety attack just to get the basic necessities of life. I’ve tried ordering my groceries through apps and online and everyone is out of everything. It’s truly making me uneasy. The schools are all closed and people in my county have the virus and some have died. I’ve been trying to focus on gardening, finishing up some projects around the house, reading and video games in order not to dwell on the impact this is having on our society because I don’t like to worry over things out of my control. I’m one of those individuals who doesn’t like being in situations they have no control over, like surgeries, dental visits..etc.

The photo included in this entry is actually of my backyard at night. My backyard has been kind of a sanctuary for my family and myself lately. With the limited ability to go out the backyard has been our only refuge. I find solace in watching the bees working, lizards sun bathing, hummingbirds drinking nectar from the blossoms, and just talking to my plants to help them grow. Our trees and plants typically do exceptionally well especially considering some of them we purchased on clearance because they were nearly dead. We grow a lot of our own produce and that gives me some slight comfort in times like these. We have almonds, peaches, plums, apples, pears, lemons, oranges, blueberries, raspberries, tomatoes, red grapes, green grapes, and lettuce. I’m hoping to build a raised garden bed and start growing vegetables as well and I’m also considering getting a couple of backyard hens. I don’t like feeling completely helpless and if I can remedy that feeling even just a bit, I will feel slightly better. My family’s goal is to be as self sufficient as possible within reason. We live in a suburban setting with a modest property so we are doing what we can with what little money we have available. Hopefully we can get solar panels, a composter, and a water retention barrel too. I’m also going to learn to bake my own bread. Despite this pandemic making such a negative impact on the majority of people’s lives right now, I am trying to use this as a lesson. I am also trying to see things from a more positive light so I don’t freak myself out. If I can make sure my family is comfortable, happy, and safe I will be content and will have achieved my goal. Stay safe and healthy everyone and please stay home.