You Do You

Times are crazy right now. I’m sure the majority of us are all experiencing crazy stress and life changing alterations to our day to day activities. There’s seriously not a better time to practice self-care than the present. If you don’t take care of yourself, how will you be able to take care of the people/pets/plants/inanimate objects around you? Below is a list I’ve compiled of some of the best ideas for self-care during these unexpected and scary times.

Emotional

  • Exercise kindness (within reason) towards those around you
  • Try to focus on the positive whenever possible
  • Call/text/message friends or family so as not to become lonely
  • Spend more time with pets to help reduce stress
  • Spend time outdoors if possible. (keep social distancing in mind)
  • Focus on hobbies and interests you may otherwise have little time to work on
  • Start a new hobby or interest
  • Limit time watching/reading the news (this sometimes perpetuates fear and paranoia if done excessively)

Physical

  • Rest so as not to compromise your immune system
  • Eat healthy
  • Meditate, stretch, exercise, or do yoga
  • Make sure to go outdoors when possible to get your daily dose of Vitamin D
  • Give yourself a home manicure/pedicure
  • Take a long bubble bath to relax your tense muscles during these stressful times
  • Catch up on yard work/gardening or any projects around the house

And even though this post was about self-care we shouldn’t just focus on ourselves all of the time. I’m talking about the hoarders out there and the people who are going out and ignoring the social distancing or lockdown orders. You all are the problem. In critical times like these we need to act within reason, with empathy, and logic. To act impulsively with your own best interests in mind does no good. There are so many people out there that are vulnerable and we need to take the proper precautions to ensure their health and safety as well during all of this. If you have any elderly neighbors or family members, please check on them. You can always help them out by ordering necessities and groceries for them through apps like Instacart. A lot of older people are unfamiliar with these services which are extremely helpful during this time. Stay safe and be kind, everyone! ❤

Panic

All the hysteria behind this pandemic is spiking my anxiety through the roof. I’ve already been agoraphobic many times in my life and prefer to stay at home like a hermit but this is really exacerbating my paranoia. I try not to watch the news because my anxiety is easily triggered. Well, I’ve been watching way too much news lately. I feel like I’m living in the beginning of the collapse of civilization as we know it and I’m well aware of how crazy that sounds but my mind is telling me it’s completely rational for me to think this way even if I know the core of me is probably overreacting. I don’t trust my fellow humans. Their tendencies to become violent at the drop of a hat terrify me. I don’t like forcing myself out into public to have a panic or anxiety attack just to get the basic necessities of life. I’ve tried ordering my groceries through apps and online and everyone is out of everything. It’s truly making me uneasy. The schools are all closed and people in my county have the virus and some have died. I’ve been trying to focus on gardening, finishing up some projects around the house, reading and video games in order not to dwell on the impact this is having on our society because I don’t like to worry over things out of my control. I’m one of those individuals who doesn’t like being in situations they have no control over, like surgeries, dental visits..etc.

The photo included in this entry is actually of my backyard at night. My backyard has been kind of a sanctuary for my family and myself lately. With the limited ability to go out the backyard has been our only refuge. I find solace in watching the bees working, lizards sun bathing, hummingbirds drinking nectar from the blossoms, and just talking to my plants to help them grow. Our trees and plants typically do exceptionally well especially considering some of them we purchased on clearance because they were nearly dead. We grow a lot of our own produce and that gives me some slight comfort in times like these. We have almonds, peaches, plums, apples, pears, lemons, oranges, blueberries, raspberries, tomatoes, red grapes, green grapes, and lettuce. I’m hoping to build a raised garden bed and start growing vegetables as well and I’m also considering getting a couple of backyard hens. I don’t like feeling completely helpless and if I can remedy that feeling even just a bit, I will feel slightly better. My family’s goal is to be as self sufficient as possible within reason. We live in a suburban setting with a modest property so we are doing what we can with what little money we have available. Hopefully we can get solar panels, a composter, and a water retention barrel too. I’m also going to learn to bake my own bread. Despite this pandemic making such a negative impact on the majority of people’s lives right now, I am trying to use this as a lesson. I am also trying to see things from a more positive light so I don’t freak myself out. If I can make sure my family is comfortable, happy, and safe I will be content and will have achieved my goal. Stay safe and healthy everyone and please stay home.

Buzz Buzz

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It seems like a lifetime since I’ve last written a blog entry. Settling back into domestic habits and a habitual routine has kind of made me lose track of this blog, but alas, I have no intentions of abandoning this outlet of creativity. On the contrary I plan on using it more frequently. Keeping my mind busy with art, video games, books, and writing is something I need to keep doing so I don’t fall back into the crippling void of depression that seems to enjoy following me around like a nefarious black cloud, over my head. I’ve been up to quite a few projects as of lately. I started my own childhood education/entertainment channel on YouTube. So far, I only have two videos uploaded at the moment but am eagerly anticipating making fresh new content. I find video editing super fun and I figure why not make fun, colorful kids videos (sometimes with the inclusion of my littlest one). I’ve also started getting back into painting and crafting. I am enjoying doing elemental art and as such I’ve decided to start up a gallery of my new creations. I plan on making some art related videos to accompany my projects in the future. Expressing myself in different forms of media is really helping me stay on track with my mental health. When not creating I’ve been losing myself in books or video games..both of which also play  vital roles in helping me maintain my sanity. I’ve set myself a goal of ten books to read in 2020 and think I can easily pull that off as long as I maintain motivation. I’m sort of branching out of my usual literary choices and trying new genres, which I’m finding that I enjoy. Anyways, it’s good to be back and I hope to start being more active in the blogging community and both following and making awesome new blogs/blogger friends!

Welcome, Wyvern

Last weekend I lost my beloved Ruin… a betta fish I’d had for four years. He lived out a good life in a filtered, heated, five gallon tank with an ever-changing aquascape. The last few months of his life he lived in a 2.5 gallon but seemed like he was just not feeling his best fishy self. He passed away and was buried under my lemon tree. May he swim in peace. 💜 I decided to go to my local pet store and adopt a new betta. I found Wyvern and instantly loved his personality and unique markings. Unlike Ruin, who was a green/blue half tail moon, Wyvern is a black and white, half moon plakat betta. I’ve never really been drawn to a plakat before but after adopting Wyvern, I’m a pretty big fan so far. He’s a bit on the aggressive side but has loads of energy. He really enjoys flaring at himself during his mirror time and is always sociable when he sees someone. While many women my age are going through baby fever, I’m developing betta fever and trying not to go back and adopt more.

Epiphany

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This past month has helped me realize a lot of things. The monumental mistakes I’ve made this year and what I’ve learned as a result are helping me to strive to become a better me. I am by no means perfect and I know it is impossible to be so. I have realized this about myself as well as others. Sometimes my expectations of myself and those around me were held to an unrealistically high standard. Sometimes, I can come off as cold, callous, aloof, and pompous. I am trying to soften some of these negative aspects of my personality. I know that being an INTJ and also suffering from multiple mental health issues doesn’t exactly help me in expressing my emotions, particularly the positive ones. However, the life I’ve lived from March of this year up until September first of this year is shaping me more than anything has in a long time. There were two months of my life (July-August) where I was self destructive and thought about ending it all every day – every day. I had reached a point in my life where I had done horrible things; things I thought I would never do and things that are very out of character for me. I don’t want to be that version of me. I don’t even like to think about that version of me. It disgusts me and I resent myself for all the horrible things I put my husband, family, and myself through. I was always told I was a strong person, but even the strongest people get weak sometimes. All I can do is learn from the mistakes I’ve made in the past and evolve. I will not let myself ever get to a point like that ever again. I am stronger than that. I am better than that. I will prove this to not only myself but everyone I have disappointed. I will come out of this self-made destruction a better person.